x( read:dead

12:10 AM Priyanka 4 Comments

Major student-life crisis!



It's why we're students in the first place..! Studies!

I'm facing a horrible NEGTWIP attack right now (for those lost read this). Okay it kinda all started when yesterday I realized I was only 16 days away from exams and well, a million light-years away from my preparations. To top it all, I have a few pending reports and submissions and a big test due for next week. Also, not ignoring the fact that I'm involved in one of the most active extra-curricular clubs on campus, it well, lives up to its status, and keeps me active! The last time I slept peacefully for more than 5 hours at a stretch must've been like...oh wait, i don't remember!

Okay, now before you form this really messed-up-disorganized-sloth-like-lazy-bumpkin image of mine, let me tell you that I'm one of the most well-organised people among my friends. I usually have months planned in advance in my scheduler, and HENCE the above realization FREAKED ME OUT!!! (read: is freaking me out!)

Starting tomorrow, I have only 15 days left, and 6 subjects to prepare for my exams which are beautifully scheduled so as to not allow any prep time in between!

Even if I divide the 2 given quantities I still don't have enough time to allow myself a thorough revision. Ahh...another semester gone, another screwed-up GPA...another amusement over why I didn't achieve better grades when I clearly could and yet another resolution to do better next time..

Anyway, Its past midnight, and I reached my room 2o min ago from another ECA meeting, and another day full of fruitless attempts at studying! I feel dizzy from all the sleeplessness...Maybe I'll figure this out tom, maybe I'll see divine light in my dream guiding me through this evil world full of torturing electives and inhuman GPA systems into a land of peace and love and mango milkshakes..

Speaking of shakes, I recently tried this new drink called "dragon-fruit ice-blended"...it's amazing!! and apparently real good for your eyes...do check it out if you get a chance! :) Meanwhile, I'll get back to sulking :\

4 precious thoughts..:

The stranger

12:39 AM Priyanka 6 Comments

When someone just walks into your life, enters your mind, your habits, your conversations, doesn't it feel like another one of those tricks that destiny plays on you?

I saw him last month. Seated at the corner-most table at the cafe, he looked like a bundle of gravity, and maybe more..Now I'm not like one of those people who look and forget, I remember, if perhaps the situation penetrates my sphere of interest, I remember, and I do my research well.

And I did, a week of casual stalking and I knew quite a lot about him..haha..Okay now, I'm not the only freak who does that okay? Remember the last time you checked out people on the internet, it is a convenient means, at our disposal so why not use it if it helps ;) Anyway, I realized he was from a different country, a different background, a totally different mindset but being friends doesn't really take all that into account does it? I befriended him.

And as fate had it, suddenly those coincidental-bumping-into-each-other meetings rose up in number and now, it's a slightly different story!

This semester has been such a new journey for me, it revealed to me so much about my own self, and so much about life in general.

Ever tried talking to a stranger for no reason?
Try it sometime!
Yes, there'll be awkward moments, yes, you might even be a subject of ridicule for that person after you leave but you never know, your next closest friend might just be that random girl you saw at the cafe the other day and though you were both without company, you just felt too "awkward" to make a move.

Sometimes, it helps if you "don't think" before doing something your heart asks you to do, just go for it, take a chance! talk to that stranger today! :)

6 precious thoughts..:

A half n hour break

6:03 PM Priyanka 2 Comments

What is so magical about the rain? Why do you feel like sitting and staring at it for hours? Why do all life reflections strike us when it rains? Why do raindrops sound so comforting?

Seated on the steps of my school, gazing at the rain, my mind drifts back in time...I see everything, times I won, times I lost...I see all my dreams. Dimensions change and I escape this moment and all the thoughts, worries accompanying it. I look at life as a whole, realizing something at once-life sure is exciting...! It's the best journey one can ever be a part of. Suddenly I'm filled with the urge to know what future holds, where I'm meant to be...

Quite lately I've started practising total surrender. Well, at least to every possible extent. I believe in the divine plan and I know that my fate has been written. I know that whatever happens, happens for the best. So if I lose I know I was meant to lose and something good is certainly associated with it. The best part--sooner or later, my belief in this theory is reinforced.

Life seems so vulnerable sometimes, like when you're aware of what you've lost, something that you'd thought was here to stay...like this rain...

2 precious thoughts..:

We all learn the hard way

12:26 AM Priyanka 3 Comments

Okay people. Another incident. Another major life-lesson.

But first, define "cool" for me?

Those of you who watch the "big-bang theory", might as well tell me that cool is something Sheldon, Leonard, Raj and Howard are sooo not. Point duly noted.

Yesterday was my first day back at the university after a 4-month long hiatus. It was an easy ride till Singapore. I had a batch-mate and a senior to accompany me, and they were both nice! Remember I told you guys about the major struggle I had to undertake in order to find myself an off-campus accommodation? Well, that's not totally true, I mean, heck! it's the tech-age! I had to write a few mails, click a few buttons and bang! I had a room booked for myself at a youth-hostel two stops away from my uni. Easy.

What was difficult was what hit me when I reached the airport! Damn! I was all on my own. Usually it's something I enjoy. Really. While some people would kill for company, I've spent a major part of my life alone at home and I'm pretty good at keeping myself engaged. So yeah, managing things on my own is never an issue for me, but still, all through my previous semesters, I was spoilt to the T by my now-no-longer-in-existence friends. So, my arrival at the Singapore airport with me having nil expectations of coming across a single face awaiting my arrival, it was a major heads-up on what I was supposed to get used to.

Though a lot happened between my leaving the airport in a cab with the senior, and my arrival at the youth hostel, I'll skip that lot. What matters lies ahead. So at 10 am in the morning, I find myself at the general office of yo:HA (short for "your habitat"), the youth hostel I had booked myself a triple-sharing room in. Another 1.5 hours and I'm looking for my room on the 8th floor of the same block. I open the door. Lo! and behold..! The place was not even close to the pictures they'd put up on the internet. There was a living room, 2 bedrooms (3 girls in each), an OTS and attached bath. Squeeze everything to half the size you're imagining right now and that's yo:HA for you! There was only one other girl when I moved in, she belonged to the other bedroom, so she was a "housemate", there wasn't a word, no friendly hi! nothing! But, nothing felt awkward. You know when everything starts happening the wrong way, things actually seem like making sense. So something good happening thereafter takes you by surprise. And that's what was about to happen.

I entered my mouse-hole sized room to find a bunk bed and a separate single bed along with 2 tables and 3 cupboards. There was already some luggage there, and adding my own to that, it took up the whole space. Brilliant. My own little pigpen!
Okay so settling, changing, settling, and heading for college. What did I have in mind...? Simple! Go there, pay the 4-month overdue phone bill, withraw cash from the atm, attend the internship fair and collect all of my luggage from various places and bring it back to yo:HA. Task 1,2,3 check! Now I was at the internship fair, lost in the crowd, looking for one friendly face that may have a "hey-sure-i'll-help-you-with-the-luggage" look about him. Mission impossible.

So okay, everyone I used to be so close to, now felt worse than strangers. Sad. Yeah. I gave up. Heading for the exit, trying to zeal myself upto believing that I could manage transfering the luggage on my own (who was i kidding?), i heard someone..."hey priyanka!" I knew that voice...Hmm...I'd say this was the 3rd or the 4th time perhaps we'd met at a public occasion and exchanged these hi's. He always seemed like a nice genuine fellow, but no, not cool. He was the exact replica of Sheldon on the big-bang theory. So I never really took the conversation any further. But this time, I was desperate, it didn't make much difference either so I took a shot, "hey! if you're free, could help me out with my luggage?"

The job at hand was tedious, there was a suitcase, a handbag, a guitar, to be collected from one room, carried all the way to another place, from where i had to collect two large cartons, each weighing a ton, and finally puttin it all in a cab and to my place off campus, straight to the 8th floor and into my appartment. But an hour or so later, it was all done and the guy was drenched in sweat. I duly thanked him and treated him with dinner later.

So, what was the lesson?
Never go for looks. What's the point in being all cool and ultra-popular when you can't even help out someone in need? It's what inside that counts. Don't ever undermine or snub someone just because he's not cool. He may turn out to be your only saviour sometime! ;)

3 precious thoughts..:

Why worry?

2:08 PM Priyanka 4 Comments

Time...a great healer, a great teacher, a great friend...well, only if you manage to keep up with it. Now, I'm not gonna preach about how time fades away in a jiffy and you're left behind clutching the remains of what you've lost. I just wanna share what I felt this morning. It was a moment's work. I was on my terrace. It had been raining a lot for the past few days, and there was something in the air, something inspiring, something that puts a stop to your chain of worries and forces you to think, to reason out your whole life and in those few moments of bliss, everything seems like a part of a great plan, everything seems okay.

Lately there has been a lot on my mind. With only 5 days left for me to resume college, I've been trying so much to lay my hands on the best possible off-campus accommodation deal, for the past fortnight. I have no idea when I shall be alloted a room inside the campus, maybe a month, maybe two...maybe never. It's scary. Being on your own, away from home, so many expectations, your own standards to meet. You know, in the course of life, you're often made to face the greatest of your fears. Mine is 'uncertainty'. I hate not knowing what's gonna happen. Strangely, I also love the unpredictability of life and yet thats the thing I always run away from. I mean, I do realize there's no fun in reading a novel or watching a movie if you already know the end, and more often than not, ignorance is bliss! Still, we all plan, think about the future, and work towards building it in a sort of way that we want it to be. We want to know what the future holds but also want to be the ones to create it. We want it all to be pre-written by fate and yet we want to be in control of things. Maybe it's just human nature and I'm no exception.

In short, I was going crazy over the way things are and that brings me back to that special moment on the terrace. So there I stood, surrounded by that breathtaking beauty of nature, wondering where life was gonna take me, five years from now. Just then, I heard someone crying...crying hard like its the end of the world. I tried ignoring the noise and even considered moving in-doors, but curiosity got the better of me and I looked over the railing. There, I saw the source of all that wailing--a little school girl, pulling the edge of her mother's kurti and producing gallons of tears every second. Her mother looked helpless, bargaining with a vegetable seller and trying to soothe her daughter at the same time--a modern day multi-tasking mom, impressive. I shifted my gaze back to the little girl and that's when I saw it! The resemblance! She was me! I mean, she looked just like me-twelve years back from now...It was spooky!

So no doubt I had a flashback of my own past, my school days, everything reeled across my mind, everything, all the great times I had with friends, all the times I'd gotten into trouble, all the times I'd cried, just like this little girl, cried as if the world was gonna end, but each time, I realized, the world had managed to keep itself together.

There was no difference between me and that girl, I realized, we had different reasons and different ways of expressing it, but we were both complaining, complaining about our lives, something that we weren't happy about--not realizing that sooner or later, everything will work out. Time will go on and before I know it I shall be looking back and laughing at myself for ever having bothered, maybe regretting that I could've made those moments really special by spending quality time with my parents, having a hearty chat with a friend, or even doing something constructive for my own self, instead of just standing there and worrying so much.

Was it just me or had someone pressed the mute button to this world? Everything was so silent. I looked down again. The girl had stopped crying. Maybe it was time that I should too.

4 precious thoughts..:

Why are we here?

11:55 AM Priyanka 2 Comments

For those of you who've ever thought about this, I'd say you do realize that the more you think about it, the more confusing things become, and the more you're drawn towards your "normal" everyday life, because a "normal" everyday life makes sense. We don't want to think about what doesn't make sense. If I ask you now whether you believe in ghosts, you'll probably laugh it off saying "who knows!"..or "I don't care.."...but the fact remains that there are things, beyond the reaches of science or human mind, things that people find it best to leave unexplained. Be it the supernatural, or the UFO sightings or the ever-so-fascinating concept of re-birth...there's so much we don't know about this universe, so much we don't know about our own identity...our existence.

Smart people have come up with theories like the big-bang to explain how the universe was created, the oparin-haldane concept to explain the origin of life, but does anybody understand why a certain female leopard after having caught and killed a deer, continues to look after its new born, instead of eating it? Does anyone know why there are so many people, so many races, and yet, a whole new story to go with each face? How our paths cross, how people just enter and leave our lives? How does everything always fall into place in the end...no matter how full of hardships your life is, everything begins to make sense in your last few minutes on this earth. Who keeps a track of each of our good or bad deeds? Who makes sure that sooner or later, justice prevails? Is there anything like destiny, or is man a creator of his own fate? What is it that all the religions of the world are pointing at, but no man alive is able to catch that hint?

So many questions... The quest is on. These thoughts often visit our minds in those fleeting moments when we're at one with nature. Otherwise who has the time? We're too busy loading our pockets with money and gains in every way possible. It maybe beyond our capacity to know the mystery of life and death and the purpose of our existence, but being the sanest of all creatures, it should be our duty to take a moment to appreciate the beauty of life, and you don't have to go to a charming hill-resort for that...

Beauty exists so much in a country landscape,

as it does in the smile of an 80-year old,

or in the touch of a new born.

All you have to do is keep your senses alive, sharpen your intellect, reach out to everything that life has to offer, never forgetting to smile at each stranger along your way.

What I truly believe to be the purpose of life is to have no regrets when you part with it :)

2 precious thoughts..:

Food for thought

12:09 PM Priyanka 2 Comments

I'm reading this book these days...actually re-reading it.

It's a delightful comedy that gives you a good laugh every time you read it. There's this particular section I'd like to share with those of you who haven't had the taste of this amazing piece of work yet.

It's this guy Davy Dempsey, a reformed con-man talking to his niece, Dillie over the phone. Now, she's having trouble getting noticed by a guy named Jordan in her school. She has a major crush on him and her uncle embarks upon teaching her how to get one's way around someone. This conversation ends on a funny note as she tries to use her uncle's own teachings to fool him. Here you go:

"You can get what you want from people if you approach them the right way. But you have to think it through and watch the other person very carefully. You have to think more about the other person than you think about yourself. You have to know the other person."

"Is this some kind of Golden Rule thing?" Dillie asked, her voice skeptical.

"No," Davy said. "Not even close. This is the basic, uh, sales pitch that every Dempsey knows in kindergarten. Five steps. Memorize them. Don't write them down. Memorize them."

"Okay," Dill said. "Shoot."

"One, make the mark smile. In your case Jordan is your mark."

"Got it. Make him smile. How?"

"Smile at him. People usually smile back. And once they smile, they relax."

"Okay. One. Smile."

"Two, get him to say yes. To anything. Ask him if he watches the WWF or if he has a game after school. Anything, but get him to say it."

"Okay," Dillie said. "But I don't get--"

"If you can get somebody to say yes to something, he's likely to keep on saying it. You're setting up a pattern so that he associates talking to you with saying yes. Then, three, make him feel superior to you. It increases the confidence and he'll get careless."

"So I do what?"

"Ask him a question he can answer. He'll feel smarter than you."

"Okay," Dillie said. "That's sort of girlie, isn't it?"

"No," Davy said. "This is not a girls-are-dumb, boys-are-smart thing. This is lulling him into a false sense of security. This is you running a...sales pitch on the poor schmuck. Which is really unfair because you're holding all the cards because you're the girl, but you're also a Dempsey, so it's his tough luck."

"Okay," Dillie said. "One, smile, two, yes, three, superior. "

"Now he's feeling pretty good around you," Davy said. "So you want to reinforce that. So on four, you give him something. Like a compliment. Or half of the candy bar from your lunch. Something that makes him think he's the one who's ahead in the conversation."

"Okay," Dillie said, sounding confused.

"Then you move in for the kill," Davy said. "On five, ask for what you want but do it so that he thinks you're doing him a favor by taking it."

"I want to know if he likes me."

"Translate that into something concrete. Do you want him to take you to the movies? Walk you home? Give you his ball cap? What?"

"I want him to like me," Dillie said.

"He probably does, you're a likable kid. That's too fuzzy a goal. Figure out specifically what you want. And in the meantime, practice it on people until it works. Just not on any people named Dempsey."

"Jamie Barclay," Dillie said.

"Good," Davy said. "But don't ever push it. If it's not working, drop it and find another way in on another day. And do not tell Jamie Barclay. This is for Dempseys only"

"Right," Dillie said. "I love you, Davy."

"I love you, too, Dill," Davy said. "If the practice swing turns out to be a loser, I'll come beat him up for you. Now let me talk to your mom."

"She's not here," Dillie said. "She's at a meeting."

"Okay, tell her I said hi. Tell her I'm all right and I'll call next week."

"She'll be mad she wasn't here," Dillie said. "You better give me your number. And not your cell phone. You always turn it off and that makes her mad. What's your number where you're staying?"

"I don't think so," Davy said, imagining Sophie talking to Tilda. "Tell her I wouldn't give it to you."

Dillie was quite for a moment, and then she said, "Yeah that'll get me off the hook. I can see Mom saying, 'No problem, I'll just trust him because he's never lied to me.'"

Davy grinned into the phone. "Very funny. Tell her I'll be down to visit very soon."

"You're coming to visit?"

"Yep," Davy said.

"Good," Dillie said. "Then you can teach me more of this neat stuff. I never learn stuff like this in school."

"I can well believe that."

"It's too bad I can't tell anybody, but I won't because I know you're right. You're always right."

Davy looked at the phone and laughed.

"What?" Dillie said innocently.

"I told you, never push it," Davy said. "But that wasn't bad. You had hit four before I caught on."

"It was easy," Dillie said smugly. "I almost had your phone number."

"Not even close, Dill. It's not horseshoes. If you don't get all five, you get nothing. You pushed it too hard and you didn't think about your mark. I'm always right? Come on!"

"Oh," Dillie said. "I should have stuck with how cool you are."

"Ouch," Davy said.

"This is really neat," Dillie said. "But I think I'm going to make mistakes. I'll know if I screw up, but I'll need you to tell me what I did wrong, like you did just now."


"Yes, Uncle Davy."

"I told you, stop trying when the mark gets suspicious. I'm not giving you my phone number so you can call me for advice. And I changed my mind. Do not tell your mother I called. We did not talk. Wipe this from your mind."

"Wipe what?" Dillie said and hung up.

I'm sure the points were dully noted :) Have fun using them to your own advantage.

2 precious thoughts..:

Just another afternoon

6:03 PM Priyanka 6 Comments

It's late afternoon. Sitting at my desk, I glance out of the window every now and then, hoping to catch a single face smiling at me. Ah! No luck there. Everyone's busy. Busy with their lives, busy with their families, busy with their work, busy shouting at the boy who accidentally walks over their newly seeded lawns. The sun blazes through the clouds, trying to avoid facing any of us down here. Something's not quite okay.

It's been a year since I've been studying in Singapore. It's far far away from my home, of course. At 19, being up and on my own, I should be happy. God's been kind. It'll be a shame if I don't appreciate his benevolence and sulk instead. So I try to be happy. But is that easy? Guess I should leave that question to you.

My parents would be home anytime from work now. I've put up their picture too. Aren't they adorable? Well, they certainly deserve a lot more than what life fetched them, and one day, I'm sure all their dreams will come true. The second one's me with my closest male companion, Dollar...he's a darling! never forgets you, never fails you and never lies, never smokes, hears you out patiently and is all you may ask for, from a guy(except for peeing on the rug of course).

So, yeah I'm living my own kind of picture-perfect life. In a few years maybe, I'll be happily settled. But that still doesn't settle my mind. It's confused, appalled and awe-struck by the miracles of life. Everything happens for a reason, they say. Maybe that's why some people enter and thereafter leave our lives- because they were alloted some job, some changes they were supposed to stir in us and once their purpose is served, they leave us. I'm sure plenty of you out there can relate to this feeling. A big question mark regarding certain incidents of your life. Ah! never mind, I shouldn't plunge into all that right in my very first post.

There goes the doorbell...I think they're home.

6 precious thoughts..: