Bad Results?

11:13 AM Priyanka 0 Comments

This was a new feeling. Having been an A-list student all my life at school, it suddenly felt unnatural for me to be getting mediocre grades at college, and "unnatural" felt like an understatement. I was devastated. The results for the 3rd semester were revealed yesterday. I was excieted since my exams had gone well, really really well. I was expecting a GPA above 4 in the least (the maximum being 5). The past 2 semesters had landed me at a measly 3.82 and that's just not "respectable" in my opinion. This time, I thought I'd finally hit the 4 and so much depended on that.

Considering I always find myself at home when the results come out, this time, I'd decided I'll give mom dad a surprise by the checking the results myself first, the usual procedure mostly being me raising the entire house to a state of chaos by declaring that the results are out and then the 3 of us gathering around my PC with fingers-crossed and waiting for the computer-generated verdict for my future.

The last 2 times it had been a disaster, with me eventually having to withdraw myself from the PC with a mournful look on my face and my parents despite feeling mad at me for the bad grades, having to smile and hug me and say that things'll be all right, and that all I had to do was work harder. But this attitude never lasts long. The moment they start noticing that you're over the whole death phase, and are beginning to get into the normal fun routine, they'll make sure to ruin it for you every single chance they get by reminding you of the results.

But yesterday? Nah...I'd planned it to be wayy different. With me checking up my super-cool grades before-hand, making a bit of a scene at first and then cherishing the proud look on mom dad's faces when I reveal the grades. But like everything else, it didnt happen the way I'd planned. Instead, here I am, neck-deep in guilt and mostly anger. Guilt because so far I haven't told them that the results are out and my CGPA has dropped to a disturbing 3.5, and anger because this was not supposed to happen. I know I'd worked really really hard this sem, and the exams had been so good. I'd never been this confident of my result! So then, how good is good? What does it really take to get to the top?

Urgh! The grades aren't as much of a trouble as the phase that mom dad'll go through once it's brought to their notice. I hate them feeling that all this money their spending on me is going to waste, or worse that I don't realize the opportunities coming my way and am just another good girl spoilt by the college culture, and nothing nothing I say in my defence would change that!
Man! Times are hard...

0 precious thoughts..:

No to love

6:34 PM Priyanka 2 Comments

All right here's the situation. There's someone you know who really really likes you, has known you for all his life, is always there for you when you need him and has hardly ever missed a chance to let you know how much he cares...and yet, you never get yourself to accept this as something more than friendship. You may have your own reasons but nothing that isn't overpowered by his why?

Fine I'm bad at this third person analysis...
Yesterday I sat and tried to sort myself out...why was it that I'd always try to push him away despite everything that he'd done for me? He is one of my closest friend, and nothing I may use to justify my behavior towards him, can beat his sincerity towards our relation.

It wasn't long before I knew...It was sudden but it all became clear. There were 2 reasons.

We all do realize that all of the fun in achieving something lies in the chase, and not in the achievement. What I mean is, and I am speaking on behalf of both guys and girls here, it's always fun liking, stalking, fantacizing, impressing the opposite sex, but once you know that the person's feelings are in your favor, you lose interest, the charm's over and you no longer see the thrill in impressing the person anymore. In short, unless it's an absolute rare case of true love, the feelings tend to fade away once the impression has been made. And this stands as my reason number one. What if, I give in to what I've been trying to put away for so long, what if I do give our relationship a shot? And then what happens if he loses interest? It's always fun playing hard to get cuz you're sure that things'll come around and you'll still get to keep your dignity.

And secondly, I admit I am a little high maintenence, not all fanatic like Monica in friends, but I do have my share of hopes and expectations and although I never express my disappointments openly, it does break my heart when the person doesn't live up to what I'd gauged of him. This may be something small like me expecting him to realize that my day didn't go well over an msn chat, without me having to tell him anything. I'm ready to put my heart and soul into a relation and I expect kind of the same from the other end. He has never disappointed me as a friend, but with our relationship upgrading, so will my hopes...what if he's not able to keep up...It'll only hurt both of us if one of us is not happy...

Keyword: Risk
I can't know anything for sure unless I try right?
I guess I'll know when I'm ready to...

2 precious thoughts..: