Showing posts with label memory. Show all posts

Goodnight Seattle

The series finale that marked the end of the 11 year long fun ride that was this show - Frasier.

I've always had this habit of associating  television shows, movies, songs, books with a certain way they make me feel  - and when I think of Frasier, I think of the warm cozy apartment of Elliott Bay Towers and a strange calmness takes over me. I feel more at ease. That's why Frasier has become my go-to show for when I am  restless or anxious in life.

It was for the same reason I started re-watching the series last month and it worked - like grandma's home remedy. I was feeling less rushed and my thoughts were more structured. I devoured through the episodes till I got to the finale, which is when I noticed something for the first time.


In his farewell speech, Frasier talks of new beginnings, of taking risks...referring to his decision to move to a new city, and I couldn't help but feel the same restlessness seeping in, only this time it wasn't for myself, but for the character that I had grown to adore. I felt sad for him, scared of what might become of him, of how he might never actually experience the marital bliss that his younger brother was finally blessed with, or have the good fortune of spending his golden years amongst family and loved ones like his father.

I realized that I could never take such a leap unless life forced me to. I could never throw away the known, the familiar, the safe...for what countless possibilities were out there. Sure I would wonder, but I would  never have the courage to act.

Think of these two choices. You are well into your 60s and one quiet evening, seated on your favorite piece of furniture, sipping a hot cup of tea, you are reminiscing about the years that have gone by, all the summers, all the memories, all the people you met and you are smiling. Now would you like for those memories, happy as they are, to be like a few big blocks of events, monotonous at times but secured to a strong base, or would you like to see them as a million tiny blocks, all very eventful and thrilling but adrift in space and time ?

I'd rather pick the former and by that I mean, having the majority of one's memories about ONE place, or ONE person, having a glue to which your whole life is secured, instead of having a billion memories, each of a different person, or a different place.
  
This marks a big difference between the two brothers on this show as well - while Frasier had a new love interest every other episode (although always pursued with the utmost sincerity), Niles always moved from one long term relation to another, often fixating on making each of them last. What is to be noted is that they each end up with exactly what they had been working towards - Niles with a wife and a new born and Frasier with a brand new career in a brand new city - both happy with their share.

They stand for the same daunting choice every person has to make at some point in life - build upon existing memories or make new ones?

The recollection

You know one of those scenes in an insanely emotional flick where the protagonist stumbles upon something, an object, a phrase and suddenly he has a detailed and accurate flashback of the story behind it, complete with dialogues and expressions. I never thought that were possible in real life. Needless to say, this post is about how wrong I was.


This morning, having trudged all the way to the library to carry on with my preparation for the university exams next week, I was pretty groggy and quite plainly stressed. I've always (like millions of other students) had a habit of highlighting my lecture notes. And there I was studying and highlighting my astronomy notes in yellow when a particular incident from my childhood came back to me like a flash and I stopped.

I was 6. Having submitted an article (more like a bunch of incoherent sentences about something stupid) for a little competition at school, I was told the previous week that it had won a place in my school magazine. I must've been thrilled. I don't remember. At a following event, our principal had read out the names of the winners in his speech, a copy of which was given to all present, which included my mother. That evening at home, she carefully laid out the speech on my desk and asked if she could borrow my yellow crayon. I nodded and handed it over. She then began looking through the 5-page speech. After a couple of moments I heard her go "ahhh!" as she made a thick yellow line over a particular stretch on the page using the yellow crayon. I had no idea what she was doing, but I was curious. So I leaned in and saw the line she had drawn over. It was the part of the principal's speech where he had announced my name. I still didn't get it. I looked up and asked her what the yellow color meant and she said "well it's a way of highlighting something important that you might wanna see again, only you won't have to search for it a second time!" I was swept off by this simple idea. To me, she was a genius.

Back in the library, still holding that yellow highlighter mid-air, I couldn't believe I had such a fresh account of that memory locked up in my mind somewhere. But having looked back 15 years into the past, I couldn't help but feel humbled and grateful for having all these right forces in my life. I mean I was like a handful of freshly kneaded dough, and thankfully I was shaped in the best ways possible by people who cared and still do. I put the highlighter back, grabbed my phone and got up.
"Where are you going?" my friend asked.
"Just need to call someone who taught me how to highlight."